Saturday, October 3, 2009

feeling old

me when Ethan was born
the day i went home from my mission ( 1997)

my mission.. LOVED IT!

me @ 16... boy am i glad for CHI products!

me at 12.. look i was skinny LOL

So i am turning 35 in December, and i am starting to feel really old. Today I was thinking, my skin is starting to look old, I have wrinkles and a few grey hairs. I burst of my micro dermerbration machine and scrubbed my skin til it was RED... ooops. My body aches, i swear sometimes bending over and then getting back up i feel like i am 100 years old!! I look back of photos from when i got engaged or my mission, and think, wow, i was 21 there, and 25 there, and now i am 35, where did the time go?? I also remember my mom turning 40 and I thought she was old.. and she was only 23 when she had me.. yikes, am i gonna be the mom at Ethans school where they think i am the Grandma? So, i am feeling sorry for myself. PLUS, it doesn't help, that i have to say i am still trying to lose 30lbs. what the heck is wrong with me. I can't get past this, and i have to, i 100% have to. I do not like how i look, i feel bad. I feel sorry for Dayna i told him he got stuck with the fat old wife ( he's 5 years younger than me)!!

So, a little pity party for me. Why can't we just stay at like 21!! :)
her are a few pics from the past.. fun to look and a little depressing LOL


Amy F. said...


You are so not old!! You are so much fun to be around, and I am sure Dayna loves being married to you! 35 is not old at all! You're still young!!

Tiffany said...

OH girl , you need to go easy on yourself, I would have NEVER EVER guessed you were 35 HONESTLY maybe 27 or 28 seriously !!! YOU look awesome, you have three beautiful kiddos and you are so blessed. We as women are way to hard on ourselves. Be your best self not someone else's version of your best self. Love ya girl. So glad we have become better friends.

I can totally sympathize with you and the house thing for SURE !!! Hang in there, hopefully a sale comes sooner than later. Change is always difficult and then GREAT !

Lynn said...

Boy, I tell you. I am SO with the first two commenters. I would have NEVER guessed your age OR your issues with any weight. WHAT extra pounds?? Where? Show me! LOL!

You know something......we women SURE do get picked on by the adversary. I TOTALLY understand where your feelings are coming from. If any woman says she doesn't, she is lying. We are our own WORST critics!!

You are smart in knowing that you have to come to terms with not feeling this way.....especially with your daughters around.

That is one thing I worked on the hardest, and still do......not to show or share my worst feelings about myself to my daughters. I do not want them to follow my example in that way at all. But I hear ya'. It's so VERY hard not to listen to that bad voice in our heads somedays.

Heidi! Just know that we do NOT see those negative things that you just listed. Truly! Quite the opposite. You are a beauty! And your husband knows it too.

I had a friend once who told me this:

"Don't ever mention your bad parts to your husband. Then that is all he ever notices."

I took her advice and I have never done it since. Amazing what good advice that was. We women notice EVERYTHING about everything. Thank HEAVENS men don't! LOL!!!!!!

Jenny said...

I have been going through the same thoughts as you my dear friend. I also will turn 35 in December and I'm with you "where did the time go?"

Heather said...

WHAT!> you are soo beautiful my love! seriously! oooh my! and honestly, YOu do NOT even have to lose weight! i mean seriously. you look AMAZING! and honestly, i totally know how you feel (as you know!) but, you are NOT old. you are soo young and beautiful... your smile lights up the room! (even though i have NEVER been in the same room with you! I KNOW IT WILL!!!!!)

you are such a great mom wife friend! you are soo amazing! i love you dearly! and AM so blessed to know you! I KNOW i have been a bad friend lately while pregnant. BUT i want you to know i LOVE You dearly and think about you ALL THE TIME!

CHEER up Charlie! hahah you are AMAZING! and thirty five will be A WONDERFUL YEAR for you! YOu are AWESOME!


shaekess said...

Awe! I see my adorable 21 year old hubby in those pictures... :-)